SEPARATED BY ADOPTION?
CUB (Concerned United Birthparents, Inc.) is a non profit organization that
began its official existence in October 1976, by Lee Campbell. A small group
gathered to provide mutual support for
birthparents, men and women who had surrendered children to adoption. CUB
membership and purpose have greatly expanded since those early days. CUB
continues to evolve each year.
CUB members now include birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents, other adoption
affected people and professionals. CUB's purposes are providing mutual support
for coping with the ongoing challenges of adoption, working for adoption reform in law and social policy, preventing unnecessary family separations,
assisting adoption separated relatives in searching for family members, and
educating the public about adoption issues and realities.
MUTUAL SUPPORT
People sometimes mistakenly assume the surrender of a child ends a traumatic
time for birthparents and is soon forgotten. Robin Winkler, in his study of
birthmothers, reports that even forty years later birthparents regard the
surrender of a child to adoption as the most stressful experience of their lives. He found that
for half of birthparents the pain of the surrender remains as intense or intensifies over time. The loss of a child to adoption
affect many areas of life, particularly marriage, subsequent children and difficulty
trusting other people.
Adoptive parents frequently lack the information they need in order to assist their
children with developing healthy self identity and obtaining needed medical
services. In increasing numbers, adoptive parents have joined CUB in efforts to
understand the issues confronting their children. They begin to recognize that adoption
is a blended family situation in which they are the nurturing parents, and their
children have birthparents. They believe that sealing their children's
original birth certificates implies adoption is inadequate and must be disguised
as birth. They resent this lack of respect for the authenticity of adoptive
parenting. They are learning they have the right to know the other parents who love their child.
Growing up in an adoptive home is different than growing up in a family of parents and children
who are genetically related. Adoptees share their love and
lives with adoptive parents. They do not share their genes and birthparent histories. Adoptees'
bodies, talents, health and genes come from their birthparents. Adoptees' need to know their origins and
birthfamilies. This need to know does not
indicate a lack of love for adoptive parents, but shows the adoptees are secure
enough in their adoptive parents' love to pursue their need to know their backgrounds.
Mutual support through monthly meetings, our CUB Communicator,
correspondence and phone calls helps members cope with the challenge of dealing
with adoption difficulties and
feelings.
ADOPTION REFORM
Many CUB members work to promote legislative and social policy changes to
require fully informing families, including single parent families,
of all alternatives and services available to them and to assist them in keeping
their families together. There are some parents whose situation, even with
support, does not permit them to raise their children. When adoption is truly
necessary, we encourage changes that would make adoption a humane and caring
alternative, not a punishment. Closed adoption harms all parties by imposing secrecy on people who do not want it. We encourage
openness, honesty and cooperation in adoption.
Birthparents often surrender because of a temporary lack of resources, not a lack of
love. Parents unable to raise their children should have a voice in who will
raise them.
Denying loving parents knowledge of their children, even
when their children are adults, is a cruel and unnecessary punishment that
causes suffering for birthparents and their families. Birthparents' love for their children does not end
at the time of their
surrender.
Many agencies arrange open adoptions. It benefits adoptees
and adoptive parents to be able to answer medical questions
doctors ask with the assurance that up to date answers are
available. Adoptive parents can reassure their children that their
birthparents are loving people. Many adoptive parents feel that knowing the birthparents as people gives them freedom
from unwarranted fears about the birthparents. Knowing their child's history allows them to
help their children grow into whole people whose backgrounds are
accepted facts, not frightening fantasies.
By denying adoptees knowledge of their origins and birth families,
our society treats adults as eternal children. Like other
citizens, every adoptee has a distinct genetic background and
history. Yet unlike other citizens, adoptees in many states are
never considered old enough to have a right to know their
backgrounds. If adoption is to serve the needs of all parties, it
must be changed to address people's needs at the time of surrender and placement, and throughout their lives. This means social and
legal recognition of the facts that adoptees grow up, and that living with
truth is healthier than living with fears and
fantasies.
PREVENTION
Many CUB members live with the pain of being separated from family
members and living in incomplete families. The circumstances
leading to the surrender of a child are often temporary and
can be overcome with caring support. A temporary lack
of finances or support should not be a reason for a loving parent and
child to be separated. To prevent unnecessary separations, members have welcomed young mothers and their children into
their homes. By providing
temporary support, we have been able to help vulnerable young
families overcome temporary difficulties so they could be
strong, healthy, positive families. CUB members eagerly share their own situations and feelings with young parents-to-be
and their families. CUB has provided a booklet concerning
the choices available to people experiencing an unplanned
pregnancy because of our concern that parents be informed of
alternatives and choices.
SEARCH
CUB is not a search organization. We may suggest reliable
searchers. We let members know
of other search groups in their area. Perhaps our most important service to searchers is to
provide emotional support during search. We help
searchers be sensitive to others' needs as they plan for contact
and reunion. Members who are not close to a branch receive support
and information through our newsletters, emails and
phone calls with CUB leaders and members.
EDUCATION
CUB has a strong interest in educating not only adoption affected
individuals but also society in general.
Many of our members and leaders volunteer their time to speak to
community groups about issues relating to family separation and
adoption.
WHERE CAN I WRITE?
If you are interested in joining or would like additional
information about CUB or literature topics available, membership
forms can be printed from this website or you can contact us by e-mail
or write to CUB, Inc., PO Box 503475, San Diego, CA 92150.