Keep in mind:
- Adoption is a life long solution to a temporary situation.
- Adoption is not a Universal Alternative to Abortion.
- Most expectant mothers considering an adoption plan aren't exposed to actual birthparents who have lived with adoption for more than five years and have "negaitve" thoughts about adoption.
- The actual numbers of birthparents who suffer PTSD, secondary infertility, and other psychological disorders hasn't been scientifically established, but we feel it is important to know that the numbers are higher than most people are willing to admit.
- Many birthparents feel modern adoption is worse than in the past because of Open Adoption Betrayals and the financial gain involved for those in the adoption industry. Those who want to decieve birthparents and coerce them into adoption are really good at it today, better than they used to be.
- We at CUB aren't aware of any open adoption contracts being legally enforced after the adoption has been finalized and the contract violated by adoptive parents.
- Adoptive parents as a group are as diverse as birthparents. Birthparents and adoptive parents can have healthy relationships. But relationships are always complex with periods of growth and decline. Never assume a relationship with another human being will remain strong enough to withstand all difficulties. Even marriages end in divorce.
- The parent - child relationship is forever altered by adoption. The pain and grief caused by adoption for both parent and child will always affect the relationship, even with good therapy and support.
- Babies grow into adults. According to most state laws, adopted individuals lose their legal right to their original birth certificate and the full documentation regarding their adoption. This situation follows them into adulthood and has created a class of US citizens without equal rights to the rest of the US population. Adopted individuals who can't obtain their original birth certificate face negative consequences and legally, they can't run for certain politcal offices, such as President of the US.
- There is no national adoption law standard. Different states. Different laws. This has been used to ensure that adopted children can't later track down their birthparents.
- Babies are born knowing their mothers and they suffer deep and lasting trauma when they are separated at birth. It is considered inhumane to adopt puppies earlier than 6-12 weeks post birth. Consider this carefully when thinking about a human baby who was genetically designed to recognize and need his or her mother.
- If you are really scared and uncomfortable about adoption, you should be. Most people don't want to make this harder on you and they might not be saying what is really on their mind.
Don't be afraid to be HONEST.
Also, please be sure to read as much of our CUB website and our friend Claudia's site. She has done so much great research! Start with this link: http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/secondary-infertility-among-birthmothers/